WINDHAND & SATAN’S SATYRS
“WINDHAND & SATAN’S SATYRS SPLIT”
Album Review by Dark Juan

8/10

Windhand are:

Dorthia Cottrell: Vocals
Parker Chandler: Bass
Ryan Wolfe: Drums
Garrett Morris: Guitar

Satan’s Satyrs are:

Clayton Burgess: Bass, Vocals
Jarrett Nettnin: Lead Guitar
Nate Towle: Lead Guitar
Stephen Fairfield: Drums

Now here is an interesting proposition from two of Virginia’s premier stoner bands. First up is Satan’s Satyrs, which has frankly to be one of the greatest names for a stoner band ever. This review is going to have nothing to do with the actual tracklisting in any form of order because the Dark Juan Super Computer Of Deth has decided it will never play anything in any sane order ever again. The imps powering it must have been overcome by the wonderful stoner grooves emanating from it. Either that or they are under the influence of some electronic equivalent of massively potent weed. Which, rather neatly, leads me on to the point of this nonsense…. Satan’s Satyrs (from now on SS because that bloody apostrophe is annoying me every time I type it!) are rather good. Starting off with a Jimmy Reed cover in Ain’t That Loving You Baby, we get some rather lovely fuzzy blues rock before they slow down and the filthy, dirty stoner begins. Drowned in fuzz and crackling with electricity, SS weld punk energy with the languidness of stoner for an eclectic and engaging melting pot of styles. Their highlight, though is Alucard AD 2018. A mind melting trip through realms of acid infused madness crossed with horror, it slams, unsettles, caresses and wounds you all at once. Utterly splendid! The band play this music with aplomb and although they are a bit too fast for the level of stonerdom they aim for, they are a mightily enjoyable band to listen to. And they have that name. I would have killed to have come up with that name…

Anyway, this is not about me. Next up we have Windhand. And what a band they are! This is Doom played with a capital DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! The riffs are majestic, towering metallic things of beauty, drawn out over insane levels of time and sustain. It’s a fuzz apocalypse. It’s nuclear fuzzion. And it’s so slow. Think My Dying Bride or Type O Negative and slow it down by another twenty beats per minute and you are approaching the levels of ultra stoned hypergroove Windhand play. For lo! Even though it is slower than the thought patterns of a monumentally depressed golem with cognitive difficulties, the music still carries a purpose, melody and groove throughout it, which is no mean feat considering they are possibly the most unhurried metal band I have ever heard. Special mention must go to lead singer Dorthia (She’s the one holding the koala, the BITCH!) and her visceral, mournful musical instrument of a voice. I have NEVER heard a voice fit the music so well in all my days. Her voice has a simple, atavistic, brittle quality I have not heard before but sent shivers down my spine. Utterly, spectacularly perfect. I should point out when I was listening to this record I was sat in my playroom with headphones on staring into my plasma ball. It just seemed appropriate to do….

A quick summary – Satan’s Satyrs. Best name ever. Punk edge meets fuzztastic rock. Like watching a slowed down Iggy and The Stooges after 8 pints and everything is slow and fuzzy around the edges. Marvellous!

Windhand – The soundtrack to you, digging down to the granite bones of the earth on a darkened windswept moor in winter. Whilst being more stoned than any mortal has ever been before. The stygian blackness of the earth and the waning moon being obscured as you go deeper into realms of horror you thought only Lovecraft wrote about. You didn’t know the Great Old Ones were down here, did you? Now you have released them onto the unsuspecting earth and Windhand is the soundtrack to your own personal apocalypse. They always said hell had the best tunes……

The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System has dragged itself out of the psilocybin fuelled nightmare it was having to award Satan’s Satyrs 7/10 and Windhand a whopping full 10/10. The split record as a whole gets 8/10 overall. You don’t want to know what the blood was doing during that hallucination. It wasn’t pretty.

Tracklist (as it should have played!):

Satan’s Satyrs –

Ain’t That Loving You, Baby
Succubus
Alucard AD 2018

Windhand –

Three Sisters
Old Evil

https://www.facebook.com/WindhandVA/
https://www.facebook.com/satanssatyrs/

 

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