HANZEL UND GRETYL
“SATANIK GERMANIK”
Album Review by Dark Juan
8/10

Hanzel Und Gretyl are: Kooky motherfuckers!

Vas Kallas – Uber vox, bass (it sez ‘ere…)
Kaizer Von Loopy – Uber guitars, uber programming, vox

Never let it be said I don’t offer variety in my reviewing of various records. Last one was a slow grinding death machine from OHHMS, and now I am reviewing an almost comedic band from NYC. I’ll be honest, Hanzel Und Gretyl have always made me feel slightly uncomfortable with some of their song titling and flirtation with almost Nazi imagery – song titles like SS Deathstar Supergalaktik and Uber Alles, although spectacularly silly, just ring slightly off with me, no matter how much I like their music, or the Nazis on the moon film called Iron Sky which I hold up as a masterpiece of modern low cost film making. Anyway, if it turns out in the future they are right wingers, I will go fucking postal. In the meantime let’s have a bash at Satanik Germanik, their latest offering, shall we?

It would be fair to describe HuG as industrial metal. It’s pounding rhythms, mid tempos, the occasional blastbeat, keyboards, samples and angry, growling guitars with distorted, shimmering bass. There is also a case to answer for them being influenced by Rammstein and their ilk. But HuG are American even though they sometimes write and sing in German. Maybe they can be charitably described as Ersatz Deutsche Harte or Amerikanische Deutsche Harte. However, this album is a notably darker affair than the likes of Ausgeflippt or Zwanzig Zwolf – there’s a black, gothic undertone and almost a black metal aesthetic in some of the keyboard lines. This is a band that has abandoned technicolour for obsidian. It’s still shiny but it’s fucking black. Highlight of the album for me has to be the song called I Am Bad Luck, which is just pure groove and melody with a haunting vocal line from Vas Kallas, who normally sings like she has extracted her own lungs and is vigorously beating them with a cheese grater. It’s almost reminiscent of Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor at his most introspective. Tis a fine tune. The album as a whole feels cold and claustrophobic, but do not take this as a criticism, for that is what industrial metal is supposed to sound like. It’s supposed to sound like alienation and machinery and massive, massive hammers crashing down on steel blocks, raining percussive noise and white hot sparks. The bass sound on the record is also mightily pleasing to my ear, being dirty, distorted and grim but not too distorted so you can’t hear notes. It’s almost used as a kind of second rhythm guitar in places too… Unter Alles is another fine track with speedy double bass drumming and a bassline to die for. It’s almost Fear Factory-ish in places. I wish I’d written it because it’s sexy as fuck, man. In fact, I have to go as far as to say I think this is HuG’s finest hour. It’s a great record I’m enjoying the fuck out of, which is good because I have had serious problems with their previous output, even though I am a fan. This record has choirs, chanting, vaguely Norse singing and gothic overload mixed with fine industrial flavours and is groovier than a groovy train travelling around Planet Groovy.

I do have a serious complaint though. I was enjoying myself that much listening to Satanik Germanik I was appalled to find it was over far too quickly for my taste and that is a poor do as far as I am concerned. I want a lot more of this version of Hanzel Und Gretyl, bitte.

Oh, look. Another fine and inventive rock record. Shove that up your poncey arse, Adam Levine. And fuck you too, Matt Tuck. Neither of you know fuck all about rock and metal, you prancing popinjays of shite.

Ich bin ein grosser Hanzel Und Gretyl-fan!

The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System has happily been seduced by HuG all over again but this time while they are wearing skintight black PVC rather than quasi-military uniforms. I know which I prefer and award them 8/10 for a filthy slut of a record.

TRACKLIST

Golden Dammerung
We Rise As Demons
Black Six Order
Weisseswald
I Am Bad Luck
Trinken Mit Der Kaizer (Die Bierz From Hell)
Sonnenkreuz
Unter Alles
13 Moons
Kinamreg Kitanas

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