LACUNA COIL
“THE 119 SHOW – LIVE IN LONDON”
Album Review by Dark Juan

9/10

Lacuna Coil really should need no introduction to any of you, considering how popular they are, but in the interests of being a good music reviewer I’m going to be a jolly nice chap and tell you their names anyway. Aren’t you lucky, dear children?

Cristina Scabbia – Vocals (and it appears from the promo photograph, shapely thighs.)
Andrea Ferro – Male vocals
Marco Coti Zelati – Bass, guitars, keyboards, synths
Ryan Blake Folden – Drums
Diego Cavallotti – Guitars

Normally I’d tell you to shove a live album up your arse (second shelf, on the right). They are usually fairly universally a pile of rancid horse semen mixed with bits of frogs and the anal discharges of many, many skunks. That is to say that they are normally poorly recorded pieces of wankery that show up a band’s shortcomings and especially a singer’s weaknesses. A notable exception was Faith No More’s You Fat Bastards (Live At Brixton Academy), which was fucking wonderful. Lacuna Coil have two singers, which is two singers who can fuck it up big style.

If you are not aware of Lacuna Coil, where the fucking fuck have you been? Italy’s greatest musical export turned 20 years old and recorded this double CD live to celebrate this fact. What it does in fact mean is that I have basically spent TWENTY years drooling over Cristina Scabbia, ever since I bought their debut, self-titled E.P. on a whim, as I was on Century Media’s mailing list and took one look and went head over heels. Shut up, you. I was in my early twenties at the time and the band were a breath of fresh air in a pretty moribund scene at the time. Metal at the time was undergoing something of an existential crisis. Thrash metal in the classic form was still in its death throes, nu-metal was all pervading, rap metal (Limp motherfucking Bizkit. Do me a favour and just fuck off, you red hatted egotistical maniac, Fred Durst, was a thing. Emos were fucking everywhere dragging all the happy souls down (it always amused me to ask them whether they were Goths. It used to upset them. But saying that, speaking to them in a slightly harsh tone used to make them cry. It was like going to gigs with a thousand Morrisseys. Could have been fun, but they would ruin it by being fucking miserable, the floppy haired twats. Thing is, the emo kids thought they were so original and all they were were Goths mixed with punk.) It’s a sign of Lacuna Coil’s longevity and broad appeal (this hellpriest does wonder whether their enduring popularity come entirely from the fact that Ms. Scabbia is hotter than a Mexican’s lunch…) She and the equally delectable Beth-Ami Heavenstone are the twin queens of whatever soul I have left after selling it piecemeal in order to obtain beer, tobacco, rear brake discs and callipers for the Anti-Popemobile (the mighty Volkswaffe is mobile again!) and other party treats I will not be sharing information about with you all. Of course they were all SCRUPULOUSLY legal (Legal Department Notice: No, they weren’t, you lying bastard!)

Let us haul ourselves back on to the task at hand, which is telling you about this magnum double-opus. If you really love Lacuna Coil, then this is value for money for you, you lucky lucky thing, as you have twenty-seven songs to furiously masturbate to. Enjoy. In all seriousness, it is a monster sized record and a worthy celebration of a long and successful career for a metal band from a country that either doesn’t do metal (Italy is not famous for metal. It is famous for corruption, sexy ladies, men more oily and unpleasant than what came out of the Exxon Valdez, football being more important than having an actual life, coming in second place in every war it has ever fought, Catholics, cars that break down as soon as it rains, how much raping of altar boys the Catholics have covered up and the Vatican and the Swiss Guard and their men in silly outfits, defending the Pontiff of the false god with halberds. Fucking halberds… Get out of the middle ages, guys. Like the Catholic Church… Oh, wait) unless you count the appalling power metal of Rhapsody and Luca Turrilli (find Black Dragon by Luca Turrilli and play it, now. I’ll wait. Prepare to be entertained in a way you never have been before…) Anyway, The 119 Show (for that is the record’s name) is a retrospective of Lacuna Coil’s entire career from their self titled debut E.P. (a song named Soul Into Hades) through to their very latest music (Blood, Tears, Dust). There’s even a Depeche Mode cover in the form of Enjoy The Silence. All the hits are here too: Senzafine, Heaven’s A Lie, Hyperfast, When A Dead Man Walks, Our Truth… It has to be said that this record sounds like a band that’s having fun. Arguably, the songs all stand up better in a live context than they do on the actual recordings – Lacuna Coil have always sounded too clinical, cold and almost robotic on record. Cristina Scabbia and Andrea Ferro are in fine voice on this record, even two hours in they are still almost note-perfect, although sounding a little ragged at the end!  Cristina in particular shines. I would never have thought it but she has a much better voice and greater range than her recorded work allows her. The freedom of the live setting allows her to stretch and I am impressed. Some of the songs let her down, though. It is true to say that although Lacuna Coil have recorded some very good songs (Blood, Tears, Dust and my personal favourite, Senzafine), they have also recorded some fucking stinkers that have become inexplicably popular (Closer, The Army Inside) to their detriment. Andrea Ferro too has a pleasing rasp he chooses to employ in a live setting that gives the songs some true metal bite. Also, I never noticed just how much the song Comalies sounds like famous Yorkshire miserablists Paradise Lost before. Interesting. To be fair, the whole band shines, the guitars are note perfect and crisp, the drums absolutely fucking spot on and the bass clean, deep and audible. The sound man at the live show and the producer of this record need fucking medals for making a live record sound this good. Normally, live records sound like they have been recorded by a microphone submerged in custard (which we know is a non-Newtonian fluid and certain frequencies make it do very strange things…) three buildings away from the actual show and then processed through a Raspberry Pi powered by two fat hamsters on their wheel who can’t really be arsed and then the resulting master tape having a combination of hot tea, jam, fish and chips and a quantity of fresh whale semen and ambergris dropped all over it.

I have enjoyed the fuck out of this record. I have been a Lacuna Coil fan since day one, but lost interest in their later albums. There are some downsides though. Good singers, yes, but neither Andrea nor Cristina are consummate frontpersons and their interactions with the crowd are more than a bit cringeworthy. And I fervently wish the fucking drummer would not fucking play a fucking drum fucking riff every time Andrea shouts, “Thank you veeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrryyyyyyy mmmmmmmmmuuuuuuuuuccccccccch, London.” Yes, Andrea. Thank you for coming. And fuck you crossways, drummer boy. And I really, REALLY hate the song Fallen. I always have and Cristina makes a bit of a monkey’s breakfast of it here. She’s too high and her voice has never suited it anyway. But these are minor inconveniences in a record I was not expecting to like this much.

Not all live albums are piles of foetid rat wank then. Quelle surprise!

The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System has been reminded that the utterly delightful and delectable Beth-Ami Heavenstone has some competition. Come to Dark Juan, Cristina… Come to Dark Juan. I have such sights to show you. I’ll show you uses for crucifixes you NEVER thought of… 9/10 for the best sound quality I have ever heard on a live recording, and a very good band playing an excellent show.

TRACKLIST

CD1:

Intro
A Current Obsession
1.19
My Wings
End Of Time
Blood, Tears, Dust
Swamped
The Army Inside
Veins Of Glass
One Cold Day
The House Of Shame
When A Dead Man Walks
Tight Rope
Soul Into Hades
Hyperfast

CD2:

I Like It
Heaven’s A Lie
Senzafine
Closer
Comalies
Our Truth
Intermezzo
Falling
Wide Awake
I Forgive (But I Won’t Forget Your Name)
Enjoy The Silence
Nothing Stands In Our Way

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