RAUM KINGDOM
“EVERYTHING & NOTHING”
E.P. Review by Dark Juan

9/10

Raum Kingdom are: Prog as prog can be, none more prog… Their prog goes to eleven!

Ronan Connor – Bass
Mark Gilchrist – Drums
Andrew Colohan – Guitars
Dave Lee – Vocals

If you’re looking for a band that is the perfect mix of Tool at their heaviest, A Perfect Circle and Meshuggah then you will enjoy Raum Kingdom. They describe themselves as sludge/ post-metal but this is disingenuous. They are very heavy prog metal. This is what they are and no amount of blandishments or presents (that’s a hint, gentlemen!) will change my opinion, and frankly, because I am a massive egomaniac my choice of genre is right and everyone else can get to fuck. Anyway, soon it won’t matter because I’ll be dead from the heat. I’m a sad old goth from Manchester for fuck’s sake, I’m built for drinking in The Salisbury and Grand Central and more importantly for weather that doesn’t go beyond the high teens temperature wise and the big red burny thing in the sky never breaks through the ominous, omnipresent steel coloured cloud. I’m used to endless rain, misery, Joy Division, avoiding the eyes of other people and not leaving the house until autumn. However, this rant-ette is getting us nowhere and I AM going to finish this review tonight! I had the best of intentions to get it finished on Sunday after I did some running around. That running around turned into an impromptu all-day drinking session and after several large gin and tonics courtesy of my friend, I returned to Chateau Dark Juan rather the worse for wear and, to be absolutely honest with you, flaked out on the sofa as soon as I stumbled in through the portcullis (all right, the front door, you bloody hair splitter. Next you’ll be telling people that I don’t have crossbowmen stationed at the murder holes…)

Raum Kingdom are Irish. From Drogheda, Swords and Ardee, apparently. Still, I am profoundly relieved to be able to easily type the names of the band, rather than them all being called Ramjamalara Anbikjgfirhjihifhei or suchlike. Imagine being a goth and living in a place called Swords. That’s brilliant. So, they come from a place that has given us Thin Lizzy, Therapy?, The Undertones and the magnificent beast that is Ronan from VNV Nation among others. However Ireland has also give us the fucking unforgivable Corrs, Feargal Sharkey’s appalling solo career (turned your back on punk pretty quick when you smelled pop hits and money, didn’t you, Feargal?) and the even more unforgivable Ronan bastard Keating and Boy-fucking-zone. Why, Ireland? Why did you allow Keating to exist? All right, I know there has been the odd bit of unpleasantness between you and Britain in the past but that was fucking uncalled for, you shifty bastard. Also, for the record I’m an Ireland enthusiast, having lived in County Donegal for a while, so I don’t want any comeback for being anti-Irish, ok? I just REALLY hate Feargal Sharkey. He’s the only man whose throat does the same thing as a spinny thing in a Hammond organ. Anyway, this Irish prog metal band are well worth your pennies. They have released a monster of a record. It’s an armour plated killing machine with teeth bigger than your head and claws the size of claymores. It has iridescent scales, beautiful to look upon, but you’ll be eviscerated within seconds if you get within striking range. Which is an apt metaphor for Raum Kingdom’s music. It’s extraordinarily proggy, but it is also heavier than a plutonium sandwich. Don’t let the prog put you off if you love it heavy because the heaviness quotient on the Brand New And Only Just Thought Of Dark Juan Patented Scale Of Heaviness is hovering around the “As heavy as a leaden casting of your sister.”

Every song on here has something to recommend it. There’s the kind of crushing heaviness that will liquefy your bones, the quiet, Tool – like passages and some fiendishly complicated arrangements and time signatures going on. This is expertly played though, these are top quality musicians and their talent is obvious. Sickening really, as Dark Juan is the world’s poorest guitarist ever to make a record. My favourite songs, though, are Struggle and Dig. These two songs are just spectacular. They are incendiary firestorms of metal. They are the equivalent of carpet bombing napalm over forests. They are wilful and massive destruction and to be highly recommended. The whole album is superb, and the only minor gripe I have is that there is too much reliance on the quiet passages to get from colossal riff to monolithic riff to mountainous riff. How about a lot of magnificently heavy middle eights, chaps?

I abjure thee, dear reader, to run to your local record emporium and say these words to the spotty youth behind the counter. Or in HMV, find the attractive Eastern European student.

“Permit me, O stout yeoman of this fine and cherished establishment, to pass you this, the Queen’s currency, in order for thee to procure this fine recording by this superb popular beat combo known as Raum Kingdom. If you do not accede to my request, then I’m going to gut you like a fucking fish, post your gizzards to your neighbours and rip your eyes out and use them as marbles, schweinhund!”

This should guarantee you prompt service.

The Patented Dark Juan Blood Splat Rating System is a bit giddy with excitement and fatigue after being invaded by every dog in the house when he was trying to sleep and awards Raum Kingdom a proggily magnificent 9/10. That’s the equivalent of the final battle of a sword and sorcery novel involving rivers of blood, severed limbs and musclebound heroes with unfeasibly large swords shouting things like, “By the old gods I will have my revenge!” or, “Crom and Mitra, look at the steely thews on that comely wench!” before running some kind of orc through with said massive sword, which WILL be named Oathkeeper, or Deathclaw or something equally ridiculous. And then it will do some Deus ex machina thing at the point of defeat like explode in shards of emerald earthfire and smite all the orcs in a twenty yard radius. What a lot of bollocks poorly written sword and sorcery is. Bah, humbug.

TRACKLIST

Summon
Dig
Winter
Walk With Reality
Rebuilding The Bridge
Hidden Pain
Struggle

https://raumkingdom.bandcamp.com/
https://www.facebook.com/Raum.Kingdom.ie/

This review is the property of Dark Juan and Metal Gods TV. It is strictly prohibited to copy any part of this review, unless you have all of the parties’ permission, or are the band/record label/PR company in question. Failure to adhere to these instructions will be considered as Plagiarism and you will be reported to the appropriate authorities.

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